


we are forever

by bluehyun



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 00:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13492569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehyun/pseuds/bluehyun
Summary: Jonghyun can’t remember who he was before he entered this city. Neither can Minhyun. But through midnight adventures and a story that transcends time, the pair learn that they are connected in more ways than they thought.





	we are forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is the first proper fic I've written in years. My apologies for any missed typos or bad writing...haha.

 Jonghyun has never been fond of parties. He shrivels up in big crowds and has absolutely no tolerance for alcohol - seriously, he’s piss drunk after one shot. He’s a pretty good dancer, although he can’t recall where he got the talent for it. Probably through Dance Dance Revolution. Currently, the neighbors next door are having a huge party and with each beat drop, Jonghyun’s bed shakes and he can barely focus on the current thought bubble.

He flips to the next page of his manga. He’s currently on Volume 15 of Haikyuu!! It’s only 9 pm in this city, with a name he can’t recall. It’s been a long day, probably, which is why he can’t remember.

Annoyance overcomes him. He slams his book shut and slips on a pair of shoes. Grabbing the closest jacket, he storms out of his apartment and stomps next door. He bangs the door at least ten times, and then another three for added effect.

“Some of us are trying to sleep, assholes!” Jonghyun yells, flailing his arms into the air, fists clenched in battle mode, even though nobody can see him.

The music blares loudly as ever, and he is about to lose hope. He is considering sleeping on the bench at the park across the street at this rate.

The doorknob twists sideways and Jonghyun steps back. He suddenly regrets his words. What if the person behind the door is a six foot five hitman or wrestler with muscles out of this world and has the physical strength to body slam him so hard the ground breaks? Maybe he should stop reading so much manga. 

Jonghyun looks up and to his relief, his neighbor is not a MMA fighter. But his heart still races because the person standing in front of his may be an even bigger danger to him. He’s taller than him, has dyed blonde hair that’s swept to the side in the most princely fashion and slanted eyes that resemble a fox. His eyes should be intimidating, but they’re quite warm. Jonghyun’s first thought: He’s beautiful and he’s starstruck. 

Is this a celebrity? Maybe he should ask for a sign. 

He also realizes he hasn’t been breathing since the door opened and they’ve been staring at each other awkwardly for a good ten seconds. Jonghyun opens his mouth, hoping something witty and not completely idiotic will just spill out of his lips. But nothing comes out. His ears flush red. His neighbor laughs and Jonghyun melts.

“I’m so, so sorry,” His neighbor shakes his head and does a quick apologetic bow. “My friend just passed his board exam and I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate. I said he could bring a few friends, but it slowly spiraled out of control…” A loud crash interrupts him. His eye twitches and he laughs again. “Ah, one moment please.” He twirls around and sucks in his breath. “Aron, I know that was you! You bastard! And don’t you dare touch that vacuum to clean that mess, you don’t deserve to touch it!”

He sighs and scratches the back of his head. “This isn’t even my apartment, but I seem to be the only one who actually wants to keep it intact.”  

“Oh, so you don't live next door?” Jonghyun says before he can stop himself.

“You don’t even know your own neighbors?” Pretty boy chuckles.

“I’m pretty antisocial, I’ll be honest with you….” He mutters awkwardly. “So where do you live?”

“Hmm.. I’m just visiting for the weekend. I live so far away, you won’t even know what it’s called. I don’t even think I remember the name. Weird, right?” He says. “Anyways, would you like to come in? It’s a mess inside but there’s always room for one more person.”

Jonghyun shakes his head. “I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m not really the party type.”

Minhyun laughs again. Jonghyun thinks he’s in love with his laugh. It’s literally “ha ha ha” and he thinks that is wonderful.

“Well it was nice meeting you...Oh, wait- How odd that we’ve been talking for this long and don’t even know each other’s name. My name is Minhyun.” He raises his hand for a shake.

Jonghyun takes his hand and gives it a squeeze. “Nice to meet you, I'm Jonghyun.” He can’t stop staring at him. Minhyun probably thinks he’s a creep. He releases his grip but notices that Minhyun is staring down at his hand. More specifically, his wrist. He looks closer and sees the bracelet dangling on his wrist. It’s a brown string with blue beads strung on it. It’s rusty but Jonghyun never takes it off.

“Ah, this?” Jonghyun says. “I got a long time ago, from...Hm….” Why can’t he remember? He thinks that he bought it from somewhere, but the way his heart aches makes him think it has some sentimental value to it. His head starts to hurt.

Minhyun’s eyes widen and he lets go of Jonghyun’s wrist. “Sorry… I know we just met, but I have a favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?”

“I have a lot of errands to run before I leave in the morning. I don’t actually know this city very well and everyone at this party is too drunk to be of any help. Would you be able to help me out?”

Jonghyun’s inner voice: _Are you really going to trust a stranger that you just met and leave with him this late into the night?_

“Yeah, sure.” Jonghyun says. God, he really is an idiot. But for some reason, he feels like he can trust Minhyun. It’s not just the outer beauty speaking (maybe just a little) but something else, a lot stronger, that he cannot explain with words. It just feels...right.

“Great, let me just grab my jacket and wallet.” Minhyun leaves and closes the door behind him.

Jonghyun quickly runs to the mirror that’s hung at the end of the hallway. “Ah, I didn’t even brush my hair when I left!” He opens his mouth and checks for anything in between his teeth. He checks his breath as well. It smells gross. He pops a mint in his mouth right when the door opens.

“Alright, I’m ready. Shall we leave?”

Jonghyun turns around and, fuck, how does he already look better than he did two minutes ago? Life is cruel and Jonghyun is a victim of its games.

 

* * *

 

They’re finally outside and Jonghyun stuffs his hands into his pocket to keep them warm. Minhyun can’t help but notice and unrolls his scarf. He wraps it around Jonghyun’s neck.

“Y-You don’t have to-”

“Don’t worry, I won’t get cold.”

Jonghyun buries his face in Minhyun’s scarf to hide his obvious blush. Hopefully Minhyun will think it’s just from the cold. “So where to first?”

“The arcade!” Minhyun says excitedly.

“Really?” Jonghyun smiles. “You don’t seem like the type to go to arcades.”

“Now Jonghyun, you also don’t seem like the type to judge others so harshly.” Minhyun teases. “I heard there’s a big Dance Dance Revolution showdown happening at the local arcade and I can’t miss that challenge. I honestly haven’t played in ages but I’m feeling rather nostalgic this evening. Aren’t you?”

He is.

If Jonghyun has confidence in anything, it’s his skill in games. Dance Dance Revolution is obviously included in this. “I’ll take you on that challenge. I’m pretty good at it, you know.”

Jonghyun and Minhyun arrive at the arcade at its peak hour. It closes in an hour but the arcade is filled with teenagers playing their hearts out at racing games, throwing basketballs in hoops, shooting games, the cursed claw game and of course, Dance Dance Revolution.

There is a huge crowd surrounding the current players of Dance Dance Revolution. Sweat flies in the air from the players and the energy is quickly sucked out of their bodies with each jump, left, right, up and down step.

“I’ll have you know I am _almost_ unbeatable.” Jonghyun brags. “The only person who has ever beaten me is my friend Minki. But he’s a demon.”

Minhyun giggles. “Then if I beat you then it means I really am the best.”

Eventually the pair moves up to the front of the line and in the blink of an eye they’re up against each other. When the music quickly fades in, a smile spreads across Jonghyun’s face, cheek to cheek. They hit the first beat in unison and the rest of the song is a blur. Jonghyun recalls stomping his feet on the buttons so hard that he doesn’t miss a single beat, and Minhyun quickly hitting them beside him. He remembers Minhyun laughing so loudly that it almost makes Jonghyun lose his grip, but he learns to laugh along and continue on with the song. The crowd behind them grows louder and Jonghyun feels like his heart may burst.

At the end of the match, their scores roll up on the screen. Minhyun beats Jonghyun by a hundred points and he lets out the loudest victory cheer. Jonghyun isn’t the slightest bit upset at losing, he feels...happy. He looks back at the crowd and he sees a huge group jumping and clapping at them.

His first memory comes back to him. He remembers going to the arcade after school with his group of friends. He was about twelve years old then. He played with everyone, but he was always one of the best. He remembers his classmates cheering him on as he played on the hardest level with… with….

“Jonghyun!” Minhyun's voice brings Jonghyun back to earth. “Look at all the tickets I got! I want to go redeem a prize as a souvenir.”

Minhyun’s kind of a dork.

Jonghyun follows quickly behind him and they make their way up to the prize table. Minhyun counts his tickets three times and looks to Jonghyun. “What should I get? I think I can afford almost everything here.”

His eyes pan across the items spread across the table and the ones hung along the wall. His gaze locks on one particular stuffed animal. An orange fox. It’s eyes remind him of Minhyun, but not only that…

Jonghyun closes his eyes for a brief moment and his second memory flashes in his head. He hears young laughter, two figures running across a crowded street, one holding a fox doll in their hand. He opens his eyes and takes a moment to catch his breath. He points up. “That one.”

“I was thinking about getting that one too,” Minhyun admits. “Everyone says I look like a fox.”

“Did you used to own one when you were a kid?” Jonghyun has to ask. He isn’t sure about these memories, but they feel so real.

“Uh...I actually can’t remember.” Minhyun says. “My memory has been kind of bad lately. But it seems like something I would own though.” He walks up to the front and buys the fox doll. They play a couple more games afterwards and Jonghyun wins most of them, except for the claw crane. Neither of them can win that. The arcade is preparing to close and the pair prepare to leave.

“Where to next?” Jonghyun asks.

“We have half an hour before the train closes so let’s quickly get on that.”

“I feel like I’m being kidnapped right now and you're taking me to my deathbed.”

“I promise I’m not taking you anywhere sketchy and I have no intentions of killing you. Promise. I have somewhere important to visit. You’ll feel pretty honored to come there with me, I swear.”

He sighs. “Alright. Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

Jonghyun and Minhyun buy the last train tickets for the evening. They’re the only people inside their set of the train. Minhyun starts to hum a song that Jonghyun is familiar with. He doesn't listen to the radio, but it's an old song. He bobs his head along and starts to hum with him. Minhyun stops abruptly, causing the latter’s face to turn bright red.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m not a good singer-”

“Ah, what are you talking about? That was good!” Minhyun says. “Has anyone ever told you that you have such a unique speaking voice? I’ve never heard anything like it before. And I mean it in a good way. It’s quite raspy but cute.”

“Thank you,” Jonghyun says sheepishly. It’s hard to look at Minhyun in the eye but he tries anyways. He thinks really hard for a good, unique compliment. He feels like everyone has told Minhyun he has pretty eyes, a nice smile, a contagious laugh… “Uh... Has anyone told you that you have a big head?”

Jonghyun immediately regrets his choice of words.

Minhyun stares blankly. “Yes, so many times….”

“Oh my god, I’m so, so, so sorry. I was just kidding. You have the smallest head in the world. Seriously, your head is _so small_ that I could fit it into my pocket. Like-”

Minhyun bursts out laughing. “You’re really funny, Jonghyun. I truly don’t mind.”

"O-Oh, really?" 

"Yes, really. Although, it’s funny seeing you so restless."

Jonghyun sinks into his seat and lets out a sigh of relief. After Minhyun’s laughter dies down, Jonghyun says, “I really want to know where we’re going.”

Minhyun turns his head towards the window, the reflection of the train speeding past the dark underground walls against his eyes. “Can I ask you something? You have to be honest and you have to promise not to judge me.”

“I don’t know how much my word means to you, but you can trust me. I won't judge you either. It’s just us two on this train anyways.”

Minhyun looks back at Jonghyun, who sits up straight to match him. “Do you have any idea who you were before you came to this town? Like, do you even remember how you arrived here? How did you buy your apartment, how did you get those clothes you’re wearing, how can you afford a train ticket?”

To anyone else, this should be an extremely easy question to answer. But to Jonghyun, the moment he opened his mouth, his tongue felt dry and nothing came out. It felt like his brain was short circuiting or worse, it was put on reset. He tried to remember the day before, but it was completely blank. It was as if the moment he was flipping pages in his manga were the first pages in his own story, and the memories that came along as he spent more time with Minhyun were from a prequel he had not yet discovered.

“You don’t, do you?” Minhyun confirms quietly. “You see, me neither. One moment, my eyes are open and I am only aware of this: My friend passed his exam and we’re celebrating. I’m from out of town, but I don’t even know where I’m from or what the name of this city is. I don’t know why there’s money in my pocket or how I earned it.”

“Minhyun, you have to slow down, you aren’t making any sense-”

“I know I’m not, but at the same time, you understand me, don’t you? You see, this entire time, I’ve had no idea where we’re going. These thoughts just keep coming into my head like missions in a video game. First it was to answer the door. Then it was to go to the arcade. And with each mission, I-I get these…”

“Flashes?” Jonghyun finishes. Minhyun’s eyes light up and he knows they’re on the same page. “Me too. They’re like loss memories. I can’t find a connection to any of them though.”

“What were your memories about?” Minhyun asks.

“The first one I had was about me going to the arcade when I was a kid. I remember that there was a classmate I always played with, but I don’t remember who. And then when you were redeeming your prize, another memory resurfaced of that fox doll. I saw a hand holding onto it. What were yours about?”

“I’ve only had one.” Minhyun says. “It was when we shook hands and I saw your bracelet.”

“My bracelet?” Jonghyun lifts his sleeve to look at it again. “What kind of memory did you get from it?”

Right before Minhyun can answer, the PA comes on and says their stop. Minhyun gets up first, quicker than usual, and gets out of the train. Jonghyun quickly follows before the doors close.

“S-So what do you think this means? Do you think we’re the only ones experiencing this memory loss?” Jonghyun quickens his pace to catch up with Minhyun. “It’s scary. I don’t even know what I’m going to do after this night.”

Minhyun doesn’t seem to be paying him any attention. His gaze is focused on the street names and he crosses road to road, speed walking down every sidewalk. Minhyun takes a sudden turn down a darkened alleyway, where Jonghyun starts to lose track of him.

Halfway down his jog, he sees Minhyun on his knees facing a cardboard box. Jonghyun catches up to him and takes a moment to catch his breath.

“Did you really have to run so quickly-”

“Shhh..” Minhyun brings his index finger to his lips and points at the box.

Then Jonghyun hears a sound come out of a cardboard box. He notices that there is a hole that’s been cut out in the middle of the box. He stops running to bend down next to him and look inside. His eyes meet with glowing yellow eyes and he’s taken back. There’s a cat inside. There is a collar around its neck but it looks like it has been abandoned for days.

“Man, I can’t believe people still abandon their pets. Or maybe it’s lost?” Jonghyun frowns. He reaches over to pet the cat but it retracts, letting out a soft hiss and curling itself deeper in the other corner of the box.

Minhyun continues to softly call for the cat while Jonghyun takes a look around. He notices a pile of empty cat food tins and some half finished.

“Hey, it looks like someone’s been feeding this cat.” He points out. He squints closer at one of the tins and notices something has been engraved on one of the lids. The letters: “ **J + M** ”.

His third memory comes rolling in: Laughter. A hand reaching in. A claw scratching said hand. The sound of two boys laughing. The smell of tuna.

It flashes in his mind so viciously that he loses balance and almost falls to the ground. “Minhyun, look at the engraving on this can.” He picks it up to show him. “Are you getting any memory flashes?”

Minhyun stares at the tin can for a moment but shakes his head. He doesn’t seem too focused on it anyways, which leaves a weird feeling in the pit of Jonghyun’s stomach. But he tries to shake it off. Minhyun places the can back down, closer to the cat’s reach.

“Let’s keep going.” Minhyun says.

This time, he walks at a pace that Jonghyun can keep up with. Darkness surrounds them, except for the street lights that give them a bit of guidance as to where they’re walking. It’s chilly, but manageable. They haven’t spoken in a couple of minutes, but it isn’t awkward. With each passing second he grows more and more familiar with Minhyun. It’s a sensation that is beyond words.

“Minhyun, so you don’t know why you’re leaving tomorrow but you just are right?” Jonghyun asks.

“Yes, strange, isn’t it?”

“Then...What’s your zodiac sign?”

“Huh? Uh, Leo, I think.”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

“Heh, what does that mean?” Minhyun says defensively.

“Secret.” Jonghyun chuckles. He was glad Minhyun didn’t know anything about astrology, because he’d probably make fun of him being a Gemini. “Chicken or Beef?”

“Beef.”

“Ah, me too! Favorite hobby?”

“Reading. Cleaning.”

“I like reading too, but more like mangas. I’m pretty neat but I wouldn’t consider _cleaning_ a hobby of mine. Can you speak any languages besides Korean?”

“Japanese.”

“Woah, that’s cool! I know a little bit…”

“Yeah, but why are you asking me these questions all of a sudden?”

“Well, this is our first and only night together. I feel like I should get to know you a little bit.” He explains. “What year were you born in?”

“1995.” Minhyun says.

“Oh!” Jonghyun chirps up. “Me too, me too! We’re the same age then. What month?”

“August.”

“Ha, that means I’m older than youuuu. I was born in June!” Jonghyun says in a teasing voice, nudging his side with his elbow. Minhyun pouts and steps closer to him.

“But I’m still tallerrrrr.” Minhyun taunts.

“You can be such a troll, have you noticed?” Jonghyun points out. “It’s a good thing that you’re cute.”

“You think I’m cute?” Who. Doesn’t.

Jonghyun doesn’t realize till now how close they are, literally. The hollowed space between them feels dangerous and he can see Minhyun’s shortened breath. Jonghyun’s mind goes blank before a single thought comes into his head: He wants to kiss him.

“Can I ask you one more question?” Jonghyun asks. Minhyun won’t stop staring at him. He gets closer.

“Go for it.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

Minhyun is still, then shakes his head. “I’ve always been busy, or things just never clicked at the right time or at the right moment. It’s just...hard.”

“How about now?”

“Hm?”

“Are you busy now, is this not the right moment...or the right time…”

Minhyun breaks the space in between them and their lips touch. Jonghyun’s frozen in shock, unsure of what to do, and it’s certainly not his first kiss, but he feels lost. He eventually melts into Minhyun’s warmth and kisses him back. His lips are soft and his entire body feels weak. Jonghyun’s lips part and he lifts his head back to catch his breath. It’s brief as Minhyun lifts one hand and cups his hand on Jonghyun’s cheek and pulls him in closer for another soft, yet deeper kiss.

When they pull apart, Jonghyun presses his hands against his cheeks. They burn. He touches his lips, which have now been kissed by Minhyun. He finally gets the courage to look up at Minhyun, whose cheeks are just as rosy.

“How was that?” Minhyun asks softly.

“I..I didn’t hate it.” Jonghyun says shyly. Minhyun brings his head down, and gives Jonghyun another light kiss. “Yeah, like that.” Minhyun kisses him again. “Again.” Minhyun presses his lips against his and Jonghyun returns the kiss. It builds up slowly, and Jonghyun can’t get enough. Minhyun finally pulls away and Jonghyun naturally leans in as if they’re magnets.

“I know this is forward but frankly, I don’t care- you’re beautiful,” Minhyun rubs the tip of his finger against Jonghyun’s cheek and breathes him in. He trails his thumb to the corner of his eyes, “You have the prettiest eyes,” then literally ‘boops’ his nose, “the cutest nose,” Jonghyun can’t help but giggle at that. Minhyun smiles back which makes Jonghyun smile even bigger, and Minhyun kisses his forehead.

“We’re only halfway through our night.” Minhyun reminds. He moves his hand down until they find Jonghyun’s and their hands entwine. It feels so natural, like breathing or blinking.

 

* * *

 

 

Minhyun takes Jonghyun to a random house. Literally, someone’s backyard. MInhyun seems to be familiar with the surroundings, which Jonghyun just learns to accept because nothing about this night makes any bit of sense. That is, until Minhyun breaks into the shed, grabs a shovel and starts digging into the ground.

Flustered, Jonghyun runs over. “W-What are you doing? Minhyun, I really don’t think this is a good idea… What if the owner of this house comes out?”

“They won’t.” Minhyun says in a serious tone. He continues to dig intensely.

Jonghyun pulls at his own hair and stares at the windows of the house. They’re all off. He prays to every God that they’re on vacation and that there isn’t a police officer that’s decided to take a walk at 3 am. He just kissed Minhyun, and that boy, as beautiful he is, may be insane. But Jonghyun’s willingly done all of this with him up to now, in hopes his memories will return, so he may be insane as well.

The shovel hits something hard and Jonghyun returns to Earth. Minhyun tosses the shovel to the side and digs the rest of the dirt aside with his hands.

Fuck it, Jonghyun thinks, and goes down to help Minhyun. Underneath the tossed grass and dirt is a wooden chest.

Jonghyun’s fourth memory rolls in: Him as a child, putting a video game, a CD, and a letter inside. Someone else is also puts a letter inside.

Jonghyun feels a raindrop touch his nose. He looks up and sees the dark clouds. “Maybe we should head back inside soon…”

Minhyun isn’t listening. He’s inside the shed again and this time he comes out with a hammer. He breaks the lock with the hammer and opens the chest. As Jonghyun’s new memory serves, there is indeed an old 90s video game, a CD and two letters inside.

Jonghyun is calm until he sees his initials on one of the letters: **For KJH**.

Minhyun grabs Jonghyun’s wrist before he can open the letter. “We have one more stop.”

“We can wait,” Jonghyun frowns. “I want to read this. It’s...I think it’s for me.”

“Jonghyun, please.” Minhyun sounds desperate. “One more stop.  Just… Stay with me.”

Jonghyun nods. He keeps the letter in his pocket and they keep moving. It’s pouring cats and dogs at this point and their clothes and shoes are completely soaked. They’ll probably both be sick the next day. They walk through a guided trail down a forest, and it feels like they’re walking for hours. But it also doesn’t feel like morning yet. Typically, Jonghyun would be afraid of walking in this unknown forest so late at night. But his hand is still entwined his Minhyun’s, so he feels okay.

Minhyun says they’re almost there and Jonghyun hopes he’s right because he is starting to feel sick.

Jonghyun looks up at the sky and curses. “I swear, I didn’t think it would-”

“Rain today.” Minhyun finishes.

Jonghyun looks up and the first dagger comes through his chest. Where Minhyun stands, lies a great lake behind him. But it’s his words that come through first.

“Those were your exact words, I remember.”

“Remember…?” Jonghyun can’t breathe. “Did something come back to you, Minhyun?”

“It already did,” Minhyun says. He raises his right arm into the air and pulls his sleeve down, revealing a bracelet matching Jonghyun’s. “Ever since I saw your bracelet, everything came back to me.”

That’s the second dagger that comes through Jonghyun’s chest. He really can’t breathe. His heart is about to explode, his mind is about to burst into a million pieces. Pain, all he can feel is pain. Why? Why is he feeling like this? Why? Why? WHY?

“I need you to remember!” Minhyun yells over the storm that’s happening around them. “Remember you, remember me, remember what _happened_.”

“What happened? That doesn’t make any sense. I can’t remember anything, I-I… Minhyun I don’t know!” Jonghyun chokes. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing but I can’t do this right now.”

Minhyun looks like he’s given up and Jonghyun is afraid that he’s ruined everything. The thought ‘ _again’_ comes into his head, which makes his head pound even harder.

“Please come closer.”

“I don’t know.”

“I swear, I really need to tell you something.”

“If I do, will you stop this?” Jonghyun begs. “Because I’m afraid, Minhyun. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I’m scared. I followed you all the way here, did all of this for you, and I don’t know why. I’m not the kind of person to do these actions, even if I like the person I’m doing it for. I don’t even know _myself,_ or who I was before I came to this city. It’s just so black and white, and I’m afraid, and it’s raining, and I’m soaking wet. So please, just… just promise me that you’ll stop.”

“Yes, I promise...I promise I’ll stop.”

Jonghyun takes his first step. Then another, and another, and more until he’s face to face with Minhyun. Jonghyun looks at him closely, and wonders if that’s just the rain or a tear that is sliding down Minhyun’s face. Minhyun rubs his thumb on Jonghyun’s cheek and gives him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“It’s...It’s okay.”

“No, really. I am so sorry. For that, and for now.”

“Now?”

“I need you to remember.”

Before Jonghyun can ask him what he means by that, Minhyun takes a grand step back and falls into the deep end of the lake. Jonghyun watches, in absolute horror, as his body disappears into the dark water and the bubbles disappear.

The last dagger guts through his chest and the final memory comes in. It’s huge this time.

It is _everything._

 

 

* * *

 

 

First, Jonghyun is ten. His family has just moved into their first house and they’re ecstatic. Jonghyun finally gets his own room and doesn’t have to share his with sisters, which is so thankful for. He finally has the privacy to play his video games and watch his favorite shows. 

His mom gives him a basket of food that she made out of the kindness of her heart. She tells him to give them to the next door neighbor and because Jonghyun is a boy and loves his mom, he follows her wishes. He puts on his sneakers (they light up!) and walks over to the house next door. He rings the doorbell twice. 

When the door opens, he sees a boy that looks his age. He also kind of looks like a fox. Instead of greeting him, the boy turns around and yells, “Mom! There’s a boy here with food!” and a voice, who Jonghyun assumes is his mom yells back, “Ah, that must be our new neighbors! Greet him! Welcome him in!”

The boy bows politely at him. “Hi, my name is Minhyun. You can come in.”

“I’m Jonghyun,” he takes a step in and Minhyun gasps.

“Shoes off, please.” 

Jonghyun and Minhyun end up spending every day together. Minhyun transfers into the same class as Jonghyun and they sit together. They spend every lunch break finding new games to play or looking for bugs in the playground. After school they take turns going to each others houses and play more, or they go around the neighborhood. One time while playing tag, they discover a stray cat down an alleyway. Their parents won’t let them adopt the cat, so they use their pocket money to buy food for the cat. They write their first letters of their names down on the tins that they buy.

When Jonghyun and Minhyun are twelve, they discover the arcade. They try every game inside but find Dance Dance Revolution the most fun. Jonghyun challenges the current scoreboard leader, Choi Minki (who is also his crush), to a competition but loses miserably. Minhyun acts as his knight in shining armor and beats Minki for him. Minhyun buys a fox doll with his winning profits.

Later that year, Jonghyun and Minhyun start getting into music. Jonghyun thinks Minhyun has a really nice voice, and tells him to audition for an idol company. Minhyun says he will only do it if Jonghyun joins him. Minhyun has confidence in his voice, but Jonghyun laughs and says he’ll stick with his dancing for now. 

As their love for music grows, they learn how to burn CDs and make a couple to sell to their classmates until they get in trouble with their teacher. She makes them do service work by helping younger kids in their school. For one class, they make friendship bracelets. Jonghyun and Minhyun decide to go with the blue beads.

During summer vacation, Jonghyun and Minhyun decide to make a time capsule. They’re certain they will be friends even when they’re old and wrinkly, so they want to open the time capsule when they both have families of their own. 

They burn their all time favorite songs onto a CD and put it into the wooden chest. They also put in their favorite toys from when they were little kids. The final item that goes into the chest are letters that they wrote for each other.

They bury it in the backyard of Minhyun’s house in front of the shed. Minhyun says it’s smart to put it there because it’s near the shed so a shovel is always within reach. Jonghyun thinks his best friend is silly, but he loves him anyways.

Jonghyun becomes insecure during summer break because all of his friends go swimming and he doesn’t know how to. Minhyun promises that he will teach him how to swim. Jonghyun doesn’t want to go to the pool because he doesn’t want people watching him. Minhyun understands, and discovers a hidden lake at the end of town that they can use to practice swimming.

They visit the lake the next morning where Minhyun teaches Jonghyun the basics. He’s awfully slow, but Minhyun is patient with him. Jonghyun is thankful for his best friend.

They take a break by the edge of the lake where they eat sandwiches that Jonghyun made. Minhyun barely eats it because he doesn’t understand how Jonghyun can just eat bread with only mayonnaise. 

Minhyun notices a rope tied on a branch on one of the high trees. He assumes it is meant for swinging into the lake. He says he’ll show Jonghyun that he can do a flip in the air. Jonghyun laughs and pleads that he show him. Eager, Minhyun rushes over and gets a good grip of the rope. While his friend does that, Jonghyun notices a squirrel watching him nearby. He cooes the animal, distracted by it’s cuteness. He tosses it a piece of his sandwich.

“Jonghyun, watch this!” Minhyun shouts.

Jonghyun looks over and sees as Minhyun leaps, does a great big flip in the air and crashes into the water. Jonghyun gets up on his feet so aggressively the squirrel runs away. He cheers loudly and claps. “That was so cool! Hwang Minhyun! Hwang Minhyun!”

When Minhyun doesn’t come up right away, Jonghyun doesn’t think anything of it. He knows his friend is just kidding like the jokester he is. Then he sees a bit of Minhyun’s head pop up, but instead of his obnoxious laugh, he hears a cry for help.

“J-Jonghyun, help, my foot is caught on something!” He falls into the water and after a moment, he comes back off, coughing intensely. “Jonghyun, please. Please. Call the police, call my mom, call-”

But Jonghyun can’t remember anything - not what Minhyun just taught him, not the number to call the police or the hospital or his mother - he can’t even breath. His legs are frozen and glued to the ground. His entire body is shaking and all he can see is his friend sinking deeper into the water. 

Jonghyun is still for five minutes, then ten, then fifteen, and then twenty. Minhyun does not come back up.

Jonghyun falls to the ground and cries.

It isn’t until an hour later that a hiker discovers Jonghyun sobbing hysterically at the edge of the lake. The ambulance and cops arrive soon after. Jonghyun refuses to leave until they pull Minhyun’s body out of the water. He faints at the sight of his friend. 

Life is never the same after. In life, Jonghyun associates time in two ways: Before Minhyun and After Minhyun. Before Minhyun, his life was a palette of endless colors and possibilities. After Minhyun, all he sees is a broken palette, colors washed away, left with stains of a black and white wasteland.

Even with countless therapy sessions, Jonghyun does not feel any better. But he tells his therapist and parents that he is fine. He graduates high school, completes his mandatory military service, and gets a typical 9 to 5 office job. He never turns on the radio when he drives because music reminds him of Minhyun. He avoids the arcade, avoids the alleyway. Minhyun’s family moved away soon after the incident, and Jonghyun never bothered to dig up the time capsule.

He gets into a couple of relationships, and one marriage, but it’s hard. He spends the entire marriage afraid of letting his significant other love and trust him. He doesn’t want to lose anyone the way he lost Minhyun. 

After all, it is his fault that Minhyun is gone.

Jonghyun, at sixty, has a weak heart and gets sick often. His doctor tells him that he may not have much longer to live. He does not have a cure to his illness or endless sadness, but he does have something that may be of use to Jonghyun.

Right now, a new scientific invention is in the works. It is being tested on the near dead and by inserting a chip into their brain, they are able to read all of their memories. The patient is put into their eternal sleep, but they allow the near dead to reunite with someone from their past and make amends so they can die in peace. The doctor says it is still being tested, but asks Jonghyun if he would like to be one of the first testors.

Jonghyun immediately says yes.

On his deathbed, he closes his eyes, and wishes for Minhyun.

 

* * *

 

 

This time, Jonghyun won’t make the same mistake. It took him a couple of decades to overcome his fear of water, but he did learn how to swim. He learned for Minhyun. 

He dives into the water, pushing himself deeper until he sees Minhyun. He wraps his arms around his body, holds him tightly against his chest and with every bit of strength in him, he swims up, up, up. 

Jonghyun places Minhyun down onto the ground. He immediately performs CPR on Minhyun, pushing with his hands, and then mouth to mouth. Minhyun coughs water out and then gasps for air, his eyes wide and his breath raspy. He looks at Jonghyun with so much hope, relief, and love.

“You remember..”

Tears well up in the corner of Jonghyun’s eyes and he wraps his arms around Minhyun. He’s bawling his eyes out and hugs him tightly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you that day. I never stopped thinking about that day. I should have called for help right away, I should have done _something_ for fucks sake, but I just stood there, like the pathetic fool I am. I’m such a...such a fucking idiot, and I’m so, so, so, so damn sorry... Minhyun... I'm so..sorry...”

Minhyun weakly brings his hand to the back of Jonghyun’s head and pushes him down so his head rests on his shoulder. He takes his other hand and gives his friend soft pat on the back. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You’re okay.”

“No! Nothing is okay. I could have saved you. I should have.”

“There was nothing you could have done,” Minhyun says softly into his ear, rubbing circles on his back. “It’s not your fault, it was never your fault.”

“It should have been me, not you. You had to much to offer.”

“No, it shouldn’t have been either of you. I promise you Jonghyun, it wasn’t your fault.” He holds Jonghyun’s face with both hands and looks at him deeply. “Never, not even once, did I blame you. You’re my best friend, how could I ever blame you? Don’t you know me?”

Jonghyun’s face is wet with tears and his words shouldn’t even be considered words at this point. Minhyun laughs softly and wipes his tears with the end of his sleeve. “So, how old are you now?”

Jonghyun sniffles. “65.”

“Wow,” Minhyun smiles. “You looked really good at 22 years old.”

Jonghyun manages a laugh in between his tears. “Shut up, you too. If I knew you’d look this good at this age I would have started flirting a long time ago.”

“Please, you were too into Minki at that time to notice how I felt.”

“You had feelings for me?” Jonghyun gasps.

“Yeah, read the letter. I basically talk about how I hope by the time you read this we’re married.”

“Oh my god, you are such a dork.” Jonghyun giggles. “Is that why you destroyed Minki at DDR?”

“Yeah, duh, I’m your freaking knight! I would go to the arcade without you and lied that I had homework just so I could impress you and you'd notice me!” Minhyun throws his hands into the air, ranting dramatically, and Jonghyun can’t hold even a bit of his laughter at this point.

Neither have them have even noticed that it’s stopped raining. They talk for hours on end, catching up on life, recalling all of their ridiculous childhood memories, letting their laughter travel throughout the entire forest. 

They’re sitting side by side, staring as the sun slowly brings its way up, hands touching, bodies close to one another. Jonghyun kisses Minhyun softly on the cheek, on the forehead, and then on the lips, making sure to take advantage of each second.

“How much longer?” Jonghyun asks.

“About a minute or so.” Minhyun says, and then shakes his head when a tear slides down Jonghyun's face. “No, don’t you start crying again. We just spent a good hour doing that.”

“I know.” Jonghyun sighs. "It's just... I wish we had more time."

“Hey, look at me. I love you, and that’s all that matters, okay?” Minhyun uses Jonghyun’s chin to turn his face to the side. He kisses Jonghyun, and he wishes that he could live in the moment. Minhyun pulls away and says, “Our time is limited, but I can promise you that we  _are_ forever."

“I love you too.” Jonghyun says breathlessly. “I loved you yesterday, today, and even though tomorrow won’t exist for either of us… I will always love you.”

Minhyun smiles. He lies down on Jonghyun’s lap and Jonghyun brushes out his hair with one hand, and holds his hand with the other. Together, they stare at the sunrise and close their eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) I'm sorry this is sort of a mess, but it's my first fic in a long while so I hope it's alright. 
> 
> You can find me on twitter: @kimjognhyuns


End file.
